Demons
I realized last week that I hadn't seen a particular student for many days. I asked where she was and the reply was that she had gone home. Evidently she had been overtaken by what I believe we might call demons. It is unfortunate because this is the second time she has had to leave school.
Although I'm embarrassed to admit it I have to admit that I care what strangers think of me. I realized this explicity the other day while I was on the road walking up to the nearby university campus. At the top of a small hill an elderly drunk was walking with a uniformed private security guard. Evidently the old guy had walked out on his bill and when he saw me he lit up and demanded that I pay for his beer. I learned long ago that it's best not to get involved with these guys (grey hair, stumbling drunk at 9:30am), they will talk about nothing at all as long as you let them (in fairness it has been suggested to me that this is true of men in general) so I just walked past them in silence though I kept looking to see how it would turn out. The old man had probably never seen me before because he started telling me that I was in Tanzania. That is the standard conversation, they seem to think we are lost, probably because when we first arrive we are. Emotionally, culturally, linguistically lost. So in an effort to be helpful, they tell us where we are. He kept talking to me and as I went passed the conversation was diverted from the half empty bottle in his hand to me. I overheard him say 'anaogopa' which means 'he is afraid'.
And I felt very irritated by the whole thing. I think it's because he made assumptions about me which were not true. Which isn't much of a crime. Probably most of the things we think about most people are not true, or at least mostly not true. Here everyone assumes I am:
1. fantasticaly rich (and itching for a chance to give it away)
2. completely ignorant of Swahili
3. a bit dim
And all of these things are true, from a certain point of view. Nonetheless, I am starting to appreciate how black men in America must feel when everyone assumes they are criminals, great at basketball, hung like a horse etc. I know that in a few months I get to leave whereas they have to live with it throughout their lives.
When I got back to my house the electricity had been cut. For a moment I asked myself why in the hell I had thought it would be worthwhile to extend for a third year. Then I remembered. It occurred to me in Dar es Salaam when I had just returned. In America everything was so simple, for the most part, that life was even. There were a few bumps, but not many. Whereas here it's basically bouncing from one thing to the next. Sometimes very high, sometimes very low. I had just gotten used to it, but being home was a good contrast that made me appreciate how much more emotional everything is here.
Money fixed the electricity problem. In fact it will fix just about anything here. But before it got hooked up I was sitting on the front step with two teachers talking about what we should do to get electricity (the whole apartment building I live in was cut off) when taxi pulled up and a student got out. It was very late for her to be coming back from town leave so they called her over and started questioning her. After a few minutes she said 'you know you are irritating me with your questions' which is forward for a Tanzanian girl but probably about right. It can take people quite a long time to come to their point. One of the teacher took exception to this cheek and stood up. She scampered off and at first he bent down as if to pick up a rock to throw at her but then decided to chase after her. She went around a building and he must have caught her because a heard a couple of whacks and a couple of screams as students poured out of classrooms to see what was happening. Later one student said to me "you know I thought he was beating a dog. I was going to ask him 'Sir, why are you beating that dog' but then I saw shoes and socks". Dark humor, but I do find that kind of funny. They thought it was remarkable that he would have lost his job and probably gone to jail in America.
So that business about women not wearing pants wasn't so far off. I was told that two days ago police in Mwanza went around town arresting women in short skirts. There is no law regarding this so they probably weren't put in jail (no room in the jails anyway) but most people feel that the police have the authority to uphold the moral values of the society. That's a bit vague but they were given a warning and possibly a fine. It's hardly worth coming into town at all these days.
Although I'm embarrassed to admit it I have to admit that I care what strangers think of me. I realized this explicity the other day while I was on the road walking up to the nearby university campus. At the top of a small hill an elderly drunk was walking with a uniformed private security guard. Evidently the old guy had walked out on his bill and when he saw me he lit up and demanded that I pay for his beer. I learned long ago that it's best not to get involved with these guys (grey hair, stumbling drunk at 9:30am), they will talk about nothing at all as long as you let them (in fairness it has been suggested to me that this is true of men in general) so I just walked past them in silence though I kept looking to see how it would turn out. The old man had probably never seen me before because he started telling me that I was in Tanzania. That is the standard conversation, they seem to think we are lost, probably because when we first arrive we are. Emotionally, culturally, linguistically lost. So in an effort to be helpful, they tell us where we are. He kept talking to me and as I went passed the conversation was diverted from the half empty bottle in his hand to me. I overheard him say 'anaogopa' which means 'he is afraid'.
And I felt very irritated by the whole thing. I think it's because he made assumptions about me which were not true. Which isn't much of a crime. Probably most of the things we think about most people are not true, or at least mostly not true. Here everyone assumes I am:
1. fantasticaly rich (and itching for a chance to give it away)
2. completely ignorant of Swahili
3. a bit dim
And all of these things are true, from a certain point of view. Nonetheless, I am starting to appreciate how black men in America must feel when everyone assumes they are criminals, great at basketball, hung like a horse etc. I know that in a few months I get to leave whereas they have to live with it throughout their lives.
When I got back to my house the electricity had been cut. For a moment I asked myself why in the hell I had thought it would be worthwhile to extend for a third year. Then I remembered. It occurred to me in Dar es Salaam when I had just returned. In America everything was so simple, for the most part, that life was even. There were a few bumps, but not many. Whereas here it's basically bouncing from one thing to the next. Sometimes very high, sometimes very low. I had just gotten used to it, but being home was a good contrast that made me appreciate how much more emotional everything is here.
Money fixed the electricity problem. In fact it will fix just about anything here. But before it got hooked up I was sitting on the front step with two teachers talking about what we should do to get electricity (the whole apartment building I live in was cut off) when taxi pulled up and a student got out. It was very late for her to be coming back from town leave so they called her over and started questioning her. After a few minutes she said 'you know you are irritating me with your questions' which is forward for a Tanzanian girl but probably about right. It can take people quite a long time to come to their point. One of the teacher took exception to this cheek and stood up. She scampered off and at first he bent down as if to pick up a rock to throw at her but then decided to chase after her. She went around a building and he must have caught her because a heard a couple of whacks and a couple of screams as students poured out of classrooms to see what was happening. Later one student said to me "you know I thought he was beating a dog. I was going to ask him 'Sir, why are you beating that dog' but then I saw shoes and socks". Dark humor, but I do find that kind of funny. They thought it was remarkable that he would have lost his job and probably gone to jail in America.
So that business about women not wearing pants wasn't so far off. I was told that two days ago police in Mwanza went around town arresting women in short skirts. There is no law regarding this so they probably weren't put in jail (no room in the jails anyway) but most people feel that the police have the authority to uphold the moral values of the society. That's a bit vague but they were given a warning and possibly a fine. It's hardly worth coming into town at all these days.
posted by Ryan Kadow at 10:19 AM
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